Dear Grandchildren, Why I will not be getting you all cars...

In the first place, there are nine of you.  I can't afford to buy nine cars.  Even taking into consideration that I would have quite a few years to save up for those last two.

Secondly, to the best of our recollection, your grandpa and I bought five cars between the two of them for your mothers when they were teenagers.  So it's their turn to buy yours.

Better yet!  Buy your own!  I bought my own first car.  Granted, it was a piece of crap and fell apart pretty quickly.  But I still bought it with my own, hard-earned money.  (And minimum wage was a lot less then).  And please don't tell me that you can't get a job without a car.  Last time I checked there were 18 legs between you and they all work!  Well maybe baby Alex's aren't good for walking yet, but give him time.

Yes, I know, oldest grandson, that I impulsively promised to give you my Nissan Altima when you turned 16 (which you did last year).  But fortunately I was saved from having to keep that promise by having that car totaled by a hit and run driver who smacked into me and your grandpa at 75 mph on the turnpike and caused us to roll the car.  I'm very sorry.  More sorry about my car being totaled, me and grandpa having the crap scared out of us and some physical discomfort and having to buy a new car (that I will not have fully paid for until you are 21) and take on the new car payment.  But sorry too that I couldn't keep my promise.

Sorry too that I didn't let you drive that new car that won't be paid for until you are 21 years old for your driver's test.  Fortunately you have an aunt who is a much nicer person than I am, who drove over from Tulsa (twice) even though she was sick, to let you drive her car.  Although why you couldn't have driven your mom's car, I still don't understand.

I am reminded of a joke I heard a comedian tell on the comedy channel yesterday:  "So my 15 year old son walks up to me while I'm in my recliner and says: 'I think I'm old enough to buy my own clothes.'  I said: 'I do too!'  We stared at each other for a full minute before he said: 'Well??'  And I said: 'Well??'  And he said: 'I'm going to need some money!'  I said: 'Ohhhhh!  I misunderstood you!  I thought you wanted to buy your own clothes!  Not pick them out!"

I LOL'd.